First Kiss
by ElfGrove
Summary: The moment when a line is crossed for the first time.


Promised to ScarletSunshine in penance for the death fic before. The start's a bit awkward, you could jump down to the line I initially sent you(*) and it might read better. Let me know what you think.

* * *

The Fighting Prince special came to an end, and Natsuki turned to Syo smiling as usual, "You did a great job! It was really exciting to watch!"

Syo stirred where he'd dozed off on the couch. It had nothing to do with the show being dull, but rather with the fact he was shooting another episode this week, and the long hours combined with how physical the show was wore on him a little. "Mmm?"

"Your special was really good! I'm proud of you Syo-chan!"

"Thanks Nacchan," Syo stretched, grinning back muzzily.

Natsuki chuckled, "Maybe you should go to bed, Syo-chan."

"I've gotta stretch first or my muscles will lock up tomorrow."

"Shouldn't you get up then?"

"In a minute."

Natsuki chuckled and settled back against the couch again.

Syo watched Natsuki as he changed the TV channel, it was a rare evening in it's own way. The members of STARISH were all busy with training, personal projects, and STARISH work almost constantly these days, and the ability to waste a couple of hours just sitting were a luxury. That they both had the evening off was even more so of one.

There was something really soothing about spending some calm downtime with his roommate and childhood friend all on it's own too. Watching Nacchan's face light up in response to whatever was on the screen made him smile. He took a genuine, almost child-like joy in the world that made Syo wish the world was more like Nacchan's view of it.

_I really do need to get up and stretch._

Syo was pulling himself to his feet, tentatively stretching his legs out as he went, when Natsuki's face transformed with glee at some development on the show. Syo's eyes tracked to the screen and saw a two characters on some drama he didn't recognize sharing a kiss. He looked to Natsuki again and couldn't suppress a smile himself, he was so excited by something he'd probably be doing himself soon. With his height and looks, he was almost certainly going to end up doing dramas like this one, and sharing kisses with dozens of leading actresses.

Syo bounced to his feet. At the frequency he was starting to guest on Fighting Prince, he might end up getting a love interest himself soon. He frowned at that thought. How did you train for that when Shining Agency outlawed romance? It wasn't like his childhood before Saotome Academy had been very conducive to meeting girls.

He tilted his head watching Natsuki's face shift through various emotions. He wanted to inspire that in people. In Natsuki, but also in people he'd never met and never would. He wanted to make them feel things and inspire joy. He was a little jealous of the actors. Al the years he'd known Natsuki, and he couldn't elicit some of the reactions he saw there now. Sure Natsuki had enjoyed his show, but that look of awe, hope, and concern for what would happen next; he didn't bring that out.

Syo's mind wandered as he watched, and he found himself thinking of what it was going to be like to kiss on screen. Who his first kiss would be? Who Natsuki's would be? . Natsuki's expression stilled in response to the drama, a pensive expression settling into place. Natsuki was always going on about cute this and cute that, but in this moment, it was Natsuki that was adorable. Without thinking, Syo leaned in, placing his lips against Natsuki's. It was warm, and light, and he smelled of chocolate. He had pulled back quickly, looking at Natsuki's expression which now stared at him rather than the TV.

_That had been rather ni—_

Natsuki looked lost and confused. Syo's eyes dropped to his feet, refusing to meet Natsuki's confused gaze.

_What was that!? What was I doing?! I—_

*That was how their first kiss went. Swift and butterfly light and utterly forgettable save for the "I'm sorry. Nevermind." that followed it, dropping through the air between them like a lead weight.

_That wasn't what I meant._

Not that he could bring himself to say it. It was just too complicated. He'd always been with Natsuki, it wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to feel like that for his friend, not to mention that Natsuki was a boy. That wasn't supposed to happen. But here he was, stomach doing flips and wishing he could take back words that he didn't dare to take back. If it wasn't just a random slip, if he admitted to himself or to Natsuki that it had meant something, then Natsuki would feel the need to respond to the emotion he'd displayed. He didn't think he could handle a serious response, no matter which way it went. He wasn't sure why he'd done it or what he'd expected to happen. That was the problem, he'd just done it because it had felt right. He didn't know what to do next so he was trying to pretend he hadn't, that the impulse simply did not exist.

There was the sound of cloth whispering against each other and creaking furniture, and Syo let his eyes wander back to Natsuki. The taller boy was standing up, taking advantage of his height to hide his features. Syo hadn't stepped far enough back though, and was in his way now. They stood too close together, Syo scared to elicit a response, but finding his body unwilling to move out of the way.

_This wasn't right. It wasn't like him. A man didn't run away from confrontation._

"Okay Syo." There was something heartbreaking about the way Natsuki said his name, dropping the 'chan' for the first time in recent memory, even though there was nothing outwardly sad in his tone.

_Syo just knew him too well._

"I'm going to go get a tea from the cafeteria, do you want something?" The chipper tone rang false to Syo's ears.

"I said I'm sorry." Syo wasn't so great at hiding things. The hurt in his voice wasn't masked at all. He still didn't know what he wanted from Natsuki in response, but he knew it wasn't this.

"I heard you," Natsuki spoke gently, putting one large hand on Syo's shoulder as if to move him out of the way. "It's alright."

"No it isn't!" Syo jerked back from Natsuki's touch, finally taking the step back that would give Natsuki room to leave. Giving him the option to leave.

"Syo-chan?" There was a change in Natsuki's voice again, more than the return of 'chan', there was something bordering on wonder, a realization.

_Natsuki was better at thinking things through than him._

Syo still couldn't find it in him to meet Natsuki's eyes, and his cheeks flushed when Natsuki's fingers gingerly made contact with the skin there. The touch was feather light and burned in a way that the simple contact didn't account for. He froze, for all the world like a deer in headlights. Natsuki didn't attempt to move him, not even to nudge his chin upwards so that their eyes would meet.

Natsuki sighed and collapsed back to his earlier spot sitting on the edge of the couch, his arms rested on his knees, hands crossed and now a safe distance from Syo's suddenly sensitive skin. His face was turned towards his own fidgeting fingers, leaving Syo with a view of his stupid curls instead of his face. "We don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. I'll wait until you're ready to talk. I can forget it happened if that's what you want me to do too. But Syo-chan, I need some idea of what you want."

_I don't know what I want!_

Syo clenched and un-clenched his fists. It was all his own fault, if he just hadn't done that in the first place. Stupid things he couldn't take back, except that was exactly what Natsuki was offering. Natsuki was willing to act like it had never happened if Syo just said the word, and that infuriated him. He couldn't even see Natsuki's stupid face to guess what he was thinking when he'd made that offer. His brain was spinning out of control over it and Natsuki was offering to just forget it happened? Was it that easy for him?! He stared at the back of Natsuki's head, willing himself to be smarter than this. Stupid damn curls. Why couldn't they just talk face to face? The lack of eye contact was making his nerves tap dance on his spine.

"I don't know." Syo admitted. "I just… I don't know, and it's not okay."

"Then we'll just wait until you do know. It's okay, Syo-chan."

"It's not okay with me!"

Natsuki's head jerked up at the way Syo's voice increased volume suddenly and green eyes met blue again fort the first time since Syo had made that stupid impulsive move. Something in the back of his mind noted, '_A stupid move, but not a mistake._' He had never thought of it as a mistake, just idiotically not thought out.

Syo's eyes burned and he didn't know what to do with himself, but he didn't want to lose eye contact with Natsuki. He could ask Natsuki to forget it, but that felt like that would be taking something off the table entirely and locking it away forever, like whatever had created Satsuki had locked away a part of Nacchan. He didn't want that. Didn't want this to just go away somewhere he could never reach.

"I don't want to lose you Syo-chan." Nastuki seemed to understand that the eye contact was important to him right now, and didn't break it even though it was difficult for both of them at that moment.

Syo tried to smile, but his lips just turned down no matter how hard he tried, there were too many conflicting emotions and the edges of his mouth twitched as he tried to fight it down to just a reassuring smile. "You're not going to lose me. We've been together this long, I'm not about to abandon you just because… You know I don't think things through sometimes! But I'm not going to go away, and you…"

"Syo-chan…"

Syo's mouth had run away with him, and he couldn't stop. He wanted to tell Natsuki that he didn't need to worry about returning whatever sentiment that had driven him to the kiss a moment ago. But he wasn't ready to put it into words or name the feeling. Syo tended to act first, words were much more difficult for him to embrace. As much as he was afraid that rejection would hurt, it would be worse if Natsuki played along with this new-found range of emotions towards his long time friend just to avoid losing the friendship._ The lie would hurt 2000% worse._

"So you shouldn't feel like you have to react a certain way to keep me around. Just be yourself. I mean, I'm already used to all the Piyo-chan stuff and the weird hats and the clothes, and there was that entire Yui mess. If that didn't do it, nothing will, so don't feel obligated…"

He could feel the smile on Natsuki's lips when they pressed the corner of his mouth. It was a light touch, as brief and warm as his first kiss to Natsuki had been. Syo blinked in surprise and silence fell over them both while he tried to get his heart started again. Natsuki had leaned forward to to it, raising himself a little bit off the couch, leaving his weight now largely balanced on the too large hands that gripped the edges of the cushion.

"I don't feel obligated," His voice was as soft and melodious as his singing ever was. "But I don't want you to feel that way either. We still don't have to talk about this if you're not ready."

Syo bit his bottom lip and inhaled sharply as his heart started beating again, a slow drumbeat rhythm that threatened to shake his entire being. He still didn't understand what he wanted out of this in the long term, but this was definitely a start. He definitely wanted something that started with the way his blood was pumping now. He reached out, placing one hand on Natsuki's chest both for balance and to force the elder boy to sit, his other hand found it's way into those stupid blonde curls, moving them away from Natsuki's eyes. His lips met Natsuki's and it wasn't a brief touch this time. Strong arms pulled him closer as they settled further back on the couch, and Syo went to his knees, kneeling on the cushions to stay above Natsuki on the couch. It was pleasant being taller than his roommate in these circumstances. Natsuki made pleased humming noises against Syo's explorations.

_It could definitely wait to talk about._


End file.
